Love, Gia Maria

Blow the fucking fish out of the water!

2010-08-16T12:52:00.000-07:00

I am LIVID! I don't even know where to start this post. All I can say is good thing my "friends" don't read this blog! Remember way back when I posted about my friends being drama queens? You should because it was like four hours ago. Apparently WE are the ones that cause the drama??? Heaven help me... I'm about to take some people out at the knees!

Here's the story. G is friends this guy... we'll call him A. A has a hard time staying in a relationship because he's too damn possessive. He gets super jealous and starts bull-shit fights with his girls. He's not mean or abusive, just retarded (I know, I know... not PC but throw me a frickin' bone... I'm PISSED!). I know this first hand because one of my BFFs is his ex. A is the only single one in my circle of friends. Well, once upon a time, A started dating S. S is a bitch. I can also say this because I also found that out first hand. A while ago, G and I had a party and A brought S. When they showed up to OUR party at OUR house, I was drunk. It was MY party at MY house, I felt I was entitled. I think I'm a fun drunk. I don't cry, puke, pass out, fall over... not sloppy. I have fun. I party, sing, dance, laugh, have a good effing time. In fact, I believe I carry myself so well, one wouldn't know I was wasted on first impression. Do you get it? Are you on my side (you better be!)? Well, apparently S doesn't enjoy partaking in alcoholic beverages. To top it off, we all went to the boobie bars that night. A used to frequent them pre-S. He also used to drink like a fucking fish. Since he started dating bitchface S, he turned into pussy-whipped, bitchface A. Well, shocker shocker, S doesn't like the boobie bars. Did they HAVE to come? No. Would we have been mad if they didn't? Hell no. I get that it's not everyone's thing... I used to HATE them (until I went). BUT, S told A that she didn't get a good first impression of us because she though G was mean and I was a sloppy drunk. Needless to say, we don't like S. BUT, we never told A that AND we made an effort to be nice to her when we all got together.

A turned 30 last weekend. He and S also broke up. She ended up coming to A's b-day bash though. She just sat on the couch and was anti-social the whole time. G and I were having fun with our other friends and not really giving two shits about what she and A were doing. A actually sequestered himself as soon as she got there. He became her little lap dog and didn't really talk to us the rest of the night. In fact, if I showed my face on here, I could prove to you that I was having fun from all of the pictures! UGH, she's such a bitch.

We have literally hung out with A and S together a total of THREE times! Now all of a sudden, G gets a nasty email from A saying that WE are jealous and crap like that! I am just so pissed off right now! I don't get jealous of ANYONE! I am very secure and have great self-esteem. I am happy with who I am and am in love with G. He and I are a perfect match! Why the hell would I get jealous of some fattish bitch?? OH, and here's the kicker, she CRIED real humanish tears because she said G was giving her dirty looks all night and I was being flirtatious with A! I am a flirtatious person. I flirt with guys and girls alike. basically, I flirt with any and everyone. G doesn't care. He knows that he is the one I'm going home with. In fact, he's a pretty big flirt, himself! I can not STAND insecure people!

So here we sit... getting ready to go on a week-long trip with these douchebags. Hip hip hooray.

"Stop thinking, start drinking!" -Gia Maria

2010-08-16T06:56:00.000-07:00

I have a blog? Seriously? Yeah... sorry to my three followers for the lack of posts. Also, I'm in a pissy mood today so forgive me for that too.

My friends are pissing me off. Why do I attract drama queens? I'm a chilled, laid back girl and just like to have fun! I ask my best girl to hang out and she denies me every single time. She pulls retarded excuses out of her ass. I'd rather her say she just doesn't want to. G and I have just decided to quit making an effort anymore. It's not worth the drama! It's like everything that they do HAS to be made into some freaking production! Stop thinking and start drinking, people! Just let go for once in your fucking life! You would have thought I was asking her to sacrifice her first born when I suggested going to a strip club! Am I the only girl out there that doesn't mind going to strip clubs with my guy? If that's not your thing, I totally understand. I'm not the type to pressure you into ~~having fun~~ doing something you aren't comfortable doing. BUT at least come to our house and hang out before we go?? I'm not trying to be selfish, I just want to hang out with my friends. It seem like whenever THEY have a party, we don't hesitate one bit! We are for sure clearing a spot in our calendar and WILL BE THERE. Whenever G and I have a party, nobody comes. Ever. Nobody. Bitches. I need new friends. Do they sell those on eBay?

On a happy note, I've reached my goal weight... for now. I'm been struggling with this last 1½ pounds for what seems like forever! I did what any normal person would do... I got trashed on rum and had sex with G all night... BAM! Pound and a half gone! Actually, I weighed myself on Saturday morning and was still up a half pound so I propositioned G again and as luck would have it, I'm at my goal weight! Then, I fed my hangover all weekend and have been scared to face the scales again.

My eyes are burning like they want to go back to sleep... I hate Mondays.

A conversation with an idiot often ends with a medical diagnosis

2010-08-02T12:20:00.000-07:00

As I sit diligently working, importing... exporting... yada, yada, yada, I get an email! Woo-hoo! A break in the monotony that is my day! As you read through these emails, please take note of the times on each one.

From: Joni

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 11:05 AM
To: Gia
Subject: Order

Hi, Gia,

I don't want to be a pest, but...is there a chance that our order will be ready to be picked up today?

Thanks,
Joni

.................

You are a pest...

.................

From: Gia

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 11:08 AM
To: Joni
Subject: RE: Order

Joni,

He is preparing them right now. I'll have him call you when they are ready.

Gia

.................
From: Joni

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 1:27 PM
To: Gia
Subject: RE: Order

Is it ready yet?

.................

From: Joni
Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 1:29 PM

To: Gia
Subject: RE: Order

I meant is it ready yet? :-)

.................

Are you really serious?? Like, not even a, "Hey! I know you are all important and busy and stuff, but might I bother you for just a second?"

.................

From: Gia

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 1:31 PM
To: Joni
Subject: RE: Order

We will call you when they are ready.

.................

From: Joni

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 1:50 PM
To: Gia
Subject: RE: Order

Okay. I am sorry to keep bothering you, but I want to get started on that. Do you think I will be able to pick them up around 3:00?

.................

Sorry? Really? That is what you call your constant nagging?

.................

From: Gia

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 1:56 PM
To: Joni
Subject: RE: Order

They will be ready tomorrow. We will call you when they are done.

.................

From: Joni

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 1:58 PM
To: Gia
Subject: RE: Order

Tomorrow morning?
.................

We will effing call you when they are done, goddammit!!

.................

From: Joni

Sent: Monday, August 02, 2010 2:04 PM
To: Gia
Subject: RE: Order

Gia,

I will be out tomorrow (that's partly why I was so anxious to get them today), so please call Mary (she will answer the phone) in the morning. But, since I will be out, please don't e-mail me.

Thank you so much for being patient with me. I know I have obsessive/compulsive disorder!

Joni

Idol is jumping the shark...

2010-07-30T08:02:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge American Idol fan. I watched most of season 1 and the complete seasons after that. I'm not watching next season in it's entirety....

"American Idol is crumbling before our very eyes. TMZ reports that Kara DioGuardi has been fired from her place on the judges panel. This falls on the heels of Ellen Degeneres handing in her resignation and the departure of Simon Cowell. Randy Jackson is the only original American Idol judge left. What will happen next?

According to TMZ, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler will be added as judges and along with Randy Jackson, they will go back to the original three judge panel. Assuming their deals are completed, TMZ says their sources from the American Idol show say it is what the judges panel will look like next season.

Kara's only possible saving grace would be if something should fall apart with Jennifer Lopez coming onto the show, but once again they are saying it is a done deal."

I guess people have started referring to the new judges as "Booty and the Beast." L.A.M.E.

Cause of Death: Poop Explosion

2010-07-28T05:01:00.000-07:00

My stomach is KILLING me! About two weeks ago I relized that it had been a couple of days since my last poo-poo. I tried working it out the usual ways... coffee, Mexican food, lots of fruit. Nothing worked so I took a laxative that weekend and was relieved temporarily. Since then, I've only gone ONCE. Two poops in two weeks. My stomach is so bloated! Help... what do I do? I've already had mexican food twice this week and chili once. This is serious shit, people. Pretty soon I will explode on the inside and have poop spraying out of every orifice.

As if one week out of the month wasn't bad enough...

2010-07-27T10:29:00.000-07:00

My body hates me today. Seriously.

I carry my lunch to work because 1) I'm a cheap ass. 2) My bosslady is strict on time. 3) I like to be skinny. Today sucks. I'm already pre-menstrual (she doesn't even have her visit planned until the end of NEXT week!) and am nonstopsohungry! I could seriously eat all day!

The thing is, I have eating issues. I used to be fat (not really but kind of) and kind of homely. In my growing up years, I've managed to shed a few lbs and purty up a bit. Not the conceited kind of pretty, but totally the confidant "I'm the hottest chick here" kind of pretty. Sometimes I eat secretly. I have a party coming up in a few weeks and I'm hoping to drop about 5-7 lbs by then. I'm just having a hard time staying on the goddamned wagon! It's not my fault the stupid thing keeps crashing into donuts and gummy bears! Stupid wagon.

So today, I ate my packed lunch for breakfast because I was dying of starvation. Then I went OUT and got a lunch! Badbadbadbad. I am miserable and ashamed. I don't want to ever eat again. Then I keep looking at that skinny bitch, Bethenny, and want to shoot myself in the face because I totally feel like good 'ol Snoopy socks down there. For real.

Stoopid skinny-ass bitches. I want to be you.

If the world gets too heavy, will it drop out of the universe?

2010-07-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wonder why people are fat? I'm not. I'm skinny. My husband is skinny. I like skinny. Sometimes while people-watching, I take notice of just how many people in my city are overweight! Really, you CAN do something about it! Aren't they hot and uncomfortable? I mean, if couldn't reach my feet to tie my shoes, I think I would just die. My *favorite* are the women with the lumpy poon in front. When was the last time they actually saw their own va-jay-jay? I don't even want to think about the cleanliness of it all... vomit.

Now there is one skinny bitch :o)

She probably has no idea her socks don't match...

The nets are alive with the sound of GIA!

2010-07-26T12:53:00.000-07:00

Wow. Can you believe the nets will let ANYONE post ANYTHING? Really.

Hi. I'm Gia. I was born on Valentine's Day... that's about all you get to know about me <3 I decided to give Blogger the privilege of hosting my random ramblings. They should feel very lucky and want to pay me a shitload of money.

I wonder if anyone will read any of this...